PALO ALTO, CA- Tesla Motors announced what is arguably their boldest update for Model S owners – the “flatulent extractor” feature.
With the click of a button, an advanced set of jets and filters built into the car’s air conditioning unit will suck out all odors. Then, within a promised 0.48 seconds, a tree scent freshener will pop down from the rear view mirror. As a final component to this highly anticipated feature, the music will amp up quickly to jolt and distract passengers so that the flatulent is quickly forgotten.
The update will be available Sunday at midnight and drivers everywhere appear eager. “I was impressed with ‘Ludicrous Speed’ and the autopilot feature, but this really takes the cake,” said Bob Dangle who has owned a Model S for over a year. “Finally, an update feature that I can really use. I’m eating Mexican to celebrate!” he said with a smile.
Some say the new feature is simply a marketing move and that there is no way an auto company – even one as advanced as Tesla – could promise to extract the most offensive flatulent. “Good luck,” said Cyndia May who is also a Model S owner. “My boyfriend will put that thing to the test. I only hope it doesn’t drain the battery trying to suck out his stinky-ass fart.”
It seems Tesla remains up to the task of solving some of the world’s most pressing transportation needs. The road map for future feature releases is tightly held by insiders, but rumors have included a batman-style ejection seat and horrifying blow up clown for rowdy children. It seems driving is about to get a whole lot better.