Bayonet manufacturers giddy as calls for new US Civil War grow louder

GETTYSBURG, PA- The rift in the United States appears to be reaching a boiling point. With approval ratings at historic lows and political dysfunction abound, some say our union is failing. In dark corners of the US, there has been a growing chorus of threats for civil war should things get worse.

Of course, war of any kind would be catastrophic. But a small band of weapons manufacturers are excited by the prospect. “This is the greatest thing to happen to our industry in over 150 years,” said a manager at the nation’s largest bayonet factory. “People just don’t have the same enthusiasm for bayonets these days, but that could change quickly.”

It seems the timing couldn’t be better given recent pain felt across gun manufacturers. Just this week, Remington was the latest company to file for bankruptcy. The company faced lagging demand ever since Trump was elected president. One can’t help but wonder if Remington would have survived if it could have held on for just a few more months?