ORLANDO, FL- “It wasn’t always this way,” recalls 85 year old Elda Neaderman. She sits back in her chair, takes a sip from her white peach & gin fizz, and recalls a simpler time. “I remember when we used to just walk down the street and let ’em piss here and poop there. Now, with all these damn liberals, it’s ‘clean up after your dog’ everywhere you go.”
“Why does everything have to be politicized these days?” asks liberal Shiny McDaniels. “I mean, it’s just dog poop. Everybody poops. It’s natural; it’s all good.” she said, leaning over the bare-hand a fresh goody from her dog Mystic and places it in a biodegradable shopping back.
Other’s don’t agree. “I’m not touching his crap,” said retired hole puncher Fred Allicaster. “He has worms and licks himself all day. No way I’m getting any where near that turd.” His dog Alfred looked upward and wagged, seemingly oblivious to the conversation.
As if on demand, Alfred released himself on the sidewalk at the end of our interview. Fred just laughed at the irony and walked away. From over his shoulder he yelled, “that’s a gift for you, hippie.”