Mystery solved: 380 million bagel holes swirling in Pacific Ocean

PACIFIC OCEAN- Anyone who has ever bitten into a bagel and wondered where the center went can finally rest easier. We may finally have answers. Scientist aboard a plane about 800 miles off the coast of Japan have discovered an “island” of bagel holes swirling in the Pacific Ocean.

“We were shocked to see so many bagel holes, but it makes sense when you think about how many bakeries exist around the world,” said one of the three experts aboard the flight. “What was even more surprising was the large colony of sea lions resting on top of the bagel bites. They may have boarded closer to shore and then floated out to see with the island. There sort of stuck now.”

The finding will undoubtedly breath new life into legislation making it’s way through Congress to ban the holing of bagels. As momentum grows, this could prove to be the first piece of truly bipartisan legislation of the Trump era.

With things moving fast in the bagel world, rumor is that the donut industry is ramping up their lobbying efforts. “We know how this goes. First they come for the bagels and then they come for us.”