WASHINGTON- For the first time in several years, scientists have announced a positive result of global warming. It seems the carbon levels in our atmosphere will soon become so intense that we can begin using air as a fuel source.
“Finally we can free ourselves from a dependency on foreign oil,” says concerned citizen Hector Ramirez. “We have spent too much money and cost too many lives trying to feed our hunger for oil. If we could just light up the air, all our problems could be solved.”
One question remains: how will we ignite the air without causing a catastrophic chain of events that consumes the entire planet? “We’re still working on that,” said Margot Thiessen of the Carbon Air For The Future Coalition. “We admit it’s a bit tricky on the surface, but we’re working with a team of scientists from Harvard, Princeton, and Herkimer County Community College to address this challenge.”
Today’s announcement may signal a shift in sentiment on global warming. Most US citizens have been in favor of cutting emissions to reduce the harmful effects. However, polls show there is starting to be reversal of opinion. “The stakes are high but we can and will prevail,” President Trump announced in an impromptu press briefing earlier today. “For the first time in a long time there is hope again on the long term health of our planet. Now, all we need to figure out, is how to fire this baby up.”