Olympics begin: only 9 months until new batch of freakishly athletic babies

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA- The Olympics have officially kicked off bringing much celebration and fanfare to the world. The international athletic event has again transcended political boundaries by setting an example of unity and sportsmanship. And, equally predictable, this pinnacle of athletic achievement will set the stage for the conception of tomorrow’s athletic superstars.

“Mark your calendar for November, that’s when we’ll first be introduced to the superstars of 2040 .”
“Let me tell you, inside that village they’re humping like animals,” said one member of the Hungarian ice carving team. “There’s just so much energy.  The hormones are pumping. It’s crazy to see people from all around the world coming together and partying.  Actually…it’s also kind of gross.”

This year the Olympic Village will be stocked with over 110,000 condoms. That roughly equals about 37 per athlete. No official tally has been given to the amount of Viagra on hand, but informally we’ve been told the soju is “flowing like the Han River.”

“We see this every time the Olympics come around,” said one doctor known for serving a roster of elite superstars. “By the time this thing is over, we could expect scores of athletic babies to born. Mark your calendar for November, that’s when we’ll first be introduced to the superstars of the 2040 Olympics.”