The Baloney Express | Satire

Genetically modifying fact and fiction into a delightful smorgasbord of orgiastic delight. Plus, news.

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Man recently witnessed buying Valentine’s Day flowers is so screwed

Man recently witnessed buying Valentine’s Day flowers is so screwed

February 28, 2018 admin Comments Off on Man recently witnessed buying Valentine’s Day flowers is so screwed

SAN FRANCISCO, CA- An older gentleman was seen buying flowers in a convenience store earlier today. When asked about the

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Coworkers very suspicious of white guy who speaks Mandarin fluently

Coworkers very suspicious of white guy who speaks Mandarin fluently

February 27, 2018 admin Comments Off on Coworkers very suspicious of white guy who speaks Mandarin fluently

BREAKING: Ted Cruz releases small whimper of a fart, his first since 2008

BREAKING: Ted Cruz releases small whimper of a fart, his first since 2008

February 26, 2018 admin Comments Off on BREAKING: Ted Cruz releases small whimper of a fart, his first since 2008

Alexa offline for two hours in silent protest over barrage of crude questions

Alexa offline for two hours in silent protest over barrage of crude questions

February 24, 2018 admin Comments Off on Alexa offline for two hours in silent protest over barrage of crude questions

Woman realizes cold air not causing shrinkage, boyfriend always had a small penis

Health Lifestyle

Woman realizes cold air not causing shrinkage, boyfriend always had a small penis

February 24, 2018 admin Comments Off on Woman realizes cold air not causing shrinkage, boyfriend always had a small penis

Doe not remotely surprised to catch boyfriend shagging Bigfoot

Doe not remotely surprised to catch boyfriend shagging Bigfoot

February 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on Doe not remotely surprised to catch boyfriend shagging Bigfoot

Politics

Pelosi shames man for skipping morning tai chi session at CA Dem Convention

Pelosi shames man for skipping morning tai chi session at CA Dem Convention

February 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on Pelosi shames man for skipping morning tai chi session at CA Dem Convention

In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 2: Real Estate Agent)

Lifestyle Politics

In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 2: Real Estate Agent)

February 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 2: Real Estate Agent)

Woman’s hike to mountain crest causes her to rethink flat Earth beliefs

Environment Lifestyle Politics

Woman’s hike to mountain crest causes her to rethink flat Earth beliefs

February 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on Woman’s hike to mountain crest causes her to rethink flat Earth beliefs

In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 1: Yoga Instructors)

Lifestyle Politics

In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 1: Yoga Instructors)

February 22, 2018 admin Comments Off on In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 1: Yoga Instructors)

Health

Expert: When your dog starts talking, it’s probably time to drink less

Health Lifestyle

Expert: When your dog starts talking, it’s probably time to drink less

February 18, 2018 admin Comments Off on Expert: When your dog starts talking, it’s probably time to drink less

Epidemic of stoned squirrels plaguing California suburbs

Environment Health Lifestyle

Epidemic of stoned squirrels plaguing California suburbs

February 14, 2018 admin Comments Off on Epidemic of stoned squirrels plaguing California suburbs

NFL to shine light back on spinal injuries as concussion debate rages on

Entertainment Health

NFL to shine light back on spinal injuries as concussion debate rages on

February 2, 2018 admin Comments Off on NFL to shine light back on spinal injuries as concussion debate rages on

Parents enraged as child struggles to speak Spanish following two week Dora marathon

Entertainment Health Lifestyle

Parents enraged as child struggles to speak Spanish following two week Dora marathon

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Parents enraged as child struggles to speak Spanish following two week Dora marathon

Entertainment

After 20 minutes, man begins to accept that Justin Bieber may never tweet back

Entertainment Lifestyle

After 20 minutes, man begins to accept that Justin Bieber may never tweet back

February 22, 2018 admin Comments Off on After 20 minutes, man begins to accept that Justin Bieber may never tweet back

Madonna’s only regret when looking back on epic career: modesty

Madonna’s only regret when looking back on epic career: modesty

February 17, 2018 admin Comments Off on Madonna’s only regret when looking back on epic career: modesty

Olympics begin: only 9 months until new batch of freakishly athletic babies

Entertainment Lifestyle

Olympics begin: only 9 months until new batch of freakishly athletic babies

February 14, 2018 admin Comments Off on Olympics begin: only 9 months until new batch of freakishly athletic babies

Only 8 sucker-punched in relatively peaceful Philly morning commute

Only 8 sucker-punched in relatively peaceful Philly morning commute

February 5, 2018 admin Comments Off on Only 8 sucker-punched in relatively peaceful Philly morning commute

Technology

Proving limits to his philanthropy, Zuckerberg will keep flying unicorn

Proving limits to his philanthropy, Zuckerberg will keep flying unicorn

January 30, 2018 admin Comments Off on Proving limits to his philanthropy, Zuckerberg will keep flying unicorn

“Flatulent Extractor” is latest in surprising string of updates for Tesla Model S

“Flatulent Extractor” is latest in surprising string of updates for Tesla Model S

January 30, 2018 admin Comments Off on “Flatulent Extractor” is latest in surprising string of updates for Tesla Model S

Man horrified that witty thought forgotten before he could get to Twitter

Entertainment Lifestyle Technology

Man horrified that witty thought forgotten before he could get to Twitter

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Man horrified that witty thought forgotten before he could get to Twitter

Kid from “Charlie bit my finger” video grows to be full blown cannibal

Entertainment Technology

Kid from “Charlie bit my finger” video grows to be full blown cannibal

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Kid from “Charlie bit my finger” video grows to be full blown cannibal

Environment

Mystery solved: 380 million bagel holes swirling in Pacific Ocean

Mystery solved: 380 million bagel holes swirling in Pacific Ocean

February 12, 2018 admin Comments Off on Mystery solved: 380 million bagel holes swirling in Pacific Ocean

As carbon levels continue to rise, air promises to be fuel source of the future

As carbon levels continue to rise, air promises to be fuel source of the future

February 2, 2018 admin Comments Off on As carbon levels continue to rise, air promises to be fuel source of the future

Scientists expect cooling trend to persist for months, then give way to warmer weather

Scientists expect cooling trend to persist for months, then give way to warmer weather

February 1, 2018 admin Comments Off on Scientists expect cooling trend to persist for months, then give way to warmer weather

Obama returns to unveil “chill pill” as humanity’s best hope against global warming

Environment Politics

Obama returns to unveil “chill pill” as humanity’s best hope against global warming

January 30, 2018 admin Comments Off on Obama returns to unveil “chill pill” as humanity’s best hope against global warming

Lifestyle

Stock rally forces Gen Xer to get creative with plan to squander inheritance

Stock rally forces Gen Xer to get creative with plan to squander inheritance

February 20, 2018 admin Comments Off on Stock rally forces Gen Xer to get creative with plan to squander inheritance

Crowd stunned as Amtrak train arrives safely, on time

Crowd stunned as Amtrak train arrives safely, on time

February 16, 2018 admin Comments Off on Crowd stunned as Amtrak train arrives safely, on time

Chocolate makers botch Valentine’s Day with ill-conceived product lines

Chocolate makers botch Valentine’s Day with ill-conceived product lines

February 14, 2018 admin Comments Off on Chocolate makers botch Valentine’s Day with ill-conceived product lines

US Weekly and The Economist collaboration off to shaky start

US Weekly and The Economist collaboration off to shaky start

February 7, 2018 admin Comments Off on US Weekly and The Economist collaboration off to shaky start

Common public speaking technique increases sexual deviance

January 24, 2018 admin Comments Off on Common public speaking technique increases sexual deviance

For many people, public speaking is at the top of their most feared activities. To address these fears, it has

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Man’s $2,000 Etch A Sketch masterpiece ruined after ground shipping snafu

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Man’s $2,000 Etch A Sketch masterpiece ruined after ground shipping snafu

Entertainment Health

“Tapeworm Buddy” is latest weight loss craze among celebrity crowd

January 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on “Tapeworm Buddy” is latest weight loss craze among celebrity crowd

Stay at home dad too literal; watches helplessly as kids play outside

January 24, 2018 admin Comments Off on Stay at home dad too literal; watches helplessly as kids play outside

“It was a fairly normal Tuesday. Then, out of nowhere, my two children make a break for the backyard door and run towards the swing set. I felt so helpless.”

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Scientists: Best way to curb youth drug abuse is make all prescriptions suppositories

January 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on Scientists: Best way to curb youth drug abuse is make all prescriptions suppositories

Six years into marriage, Kathy realizes Fred faking sense of humor

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Six years into marriage, Kathy realizes Fred faking sense of humor

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