The Baloney Express | Satire

The Baloney Express | Satire

Genetically modifying fact and fiction into a delightful smorgasbord of orgiastic delight. Plus, news.

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Man recently witnessed buying Valentine’s Day flowers is so screwed
Lifestyle 

Man recently witnessed buying Valentine’s Day flowers is so screwed

February 28, 2018 admin Comments Off on Man recently witnessed buying Valentine’s Day flowers is so screwed

SAN FRANCISCO, CA- An older gentleman was seen buying flowers in a convenience store earlier today. When asked about the

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Coworkers very suspicious of white guy who speaks Mandarin fluently
Lifestyle 

Coworkers very suspicious of white guy who speaks Mandarin fluently

February 27, 2018 admin Comments Off on Coworkers very suspicious of white guy who speaks Mandarin fluently
BREAKING: Ted Cruz releases small whimper of a fart, his first since 2008
Politics 

BREAKING: Ted Cruz releases small whimper of a fart, his first since 2008

February 26, 2018 admin Comments Off on BREAKING: Ted Cruz releases small whimper of a fart, his first since 2008
Alexa offline for two hours in silent protest over barrage of crude questions
Technology 

Alexa offline for two hours in silent protest over barrage of crude questions

February 24, 2018 admin Comments Off on Alexa offline for two hours in silent protest over barrage of crude questions
Woman realizes cold air not causing shrinkage, boyfriend always had a small penis
Health Lifestyle 

Woman realizes cold air not causing shrinkage, boyfriend always had a small penis

February 24, 2018 admin Comments Off on Woman realizes cold air not causing shrinkage, boyfriend always had a small penis
Doe not remotely surprised to catch boyfriend shagging Bigfoot
Environment 

Doe not remotely surprised to catch boyfriend shagging Bigfoot

February 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on Doe not remotely surprised to catch boyfriend shagging Bigfoot

Politics

Pelosi shames man for skipping morning tai chi session at CA Dem Convention
Politics 

Pelosi shames man for skipping morning tai chi session at CA Dem Convention

February 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on Pelosi shames man for skipping morning tai chi session at CA Dem Convention
In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 2: Real Estate Agent)
Lifestyle Politics 

In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 2: Real Estate Agent)

February 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 2: Real Estate Agent)
Woman’s hike to mountain crest causes her to rethink flat Earth beliefs
Environment Lifestyle Politics 

Woman’s hike to mountain crest causes her to rethink flat Earth beliefs

February 23, 2018 admin Comments Off on Woman’s hike to mountain crest causes her to rethink flat Earth beliefs
In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 1: Yoga Instructors)
Lifestyle Politics 

In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 1: Yoga Instructors)

February 22, 2018 admin Comments Off on In addition to teachers who else should we be arming? (Part 1: Yoga Instructors)

Health

Expert: When your dog starts talking, it’s probably time to drink less
Health Lifestyle 

Expert: When your dog starts talking, it’s probably time to drink less

February 18, 2018 admin Comments Off on Expert: When your dog starts talking, it’s probably time to drink less
Epidemic of stoned squirrels plaguing California suburbs
Environment Health Lifestyle 

Epidemic of stoned squirrels plaguing California suburbs

February 14, 2018 admin Comments Off on Epidemic of stoned squirrels plaguing California suburbs
NFL to shine light back on spinal injuries as concussion debate rages on
Entertainment Health 

NFL to shine light back on spinal injuries as concussion debate rages on

February 2, 2018 admin Comments Off on NFL to shine light back on spinal injuries as concussion debate rages on
Parents enraged as child struggles to speak Spanish following two week Dora marathon
Entertainment Health Lifestyle 

Parents enraged as child struggles to speak Spanish following two week Dora marathon

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Parents enraged as child struggles to speak Spanish following two week Dora marathon

Entertainment

After 20 minutes, man begins to accept that Justin Bieber may never tweet back
Entertainment Lifestyle 

After 20 minutes, man begins to accept that Justin Bieber may never tweet back

February 22, 2018 admin Comments Off on After 20 minutes, man begins to accept that Justin Bieber may never tweet back
Madonna’s only regret when looking back on epic career: modesty
Entertainment 

Madonna’s only regret when looking back on epic career: modesty

February 17, 2018 admin Comments Off on Madonna’s only regret when looking back on epic career: modesty
Olympics begin: only 9 months until new batch of freakishly athletic babies
Entertainment Lifestyle 

Olympics begin: only 9 months until new batch of freakishly athletic babies

February 14, 2018 admin Comments Off on Olympics begin: only 9 months until new batch of freakishly athletic babies
Only 8 sucker-punched in relatively peaceful Philly morning commute
Entertainment 

Only 8 sucker-punched in relatively peaceful Philly morning commute

February 5, 2018 admin Comments Off on Only 8 sucker-punched in relatively peaceful Philly morning commute

Technology

Proving limits to his philanthropy, Zuckerberg will keep flying unicorn
Technology 

Proving limits to his philanthropy, Zuckerberg will keep flying unicorn

January 30, 2018 admin Comments Off on Proving limits to his philanthropy, Zuckerberg will keep flying unicorn
“Flatulent Extractor” is latest in surprising string of updates for Tesla Model S
Technology 

“Flatulent Extractor” is latest in surprising string of updates for Tesla Model S

January 30, 2018 admin Comments Off on “Flatulent Extractor” is latest in surprising string of updates for Tesla Model S
Man horrified that witty thought forgotten before he could get to Twitter
Entertainment Lifestyle Technology 

Man horrified that witty thought forgotten before he could get to Twitter

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Man horrified that witty thought forgotten before he could get to Twitter
Kid from “Charlie bit my finger” video grows to be full blown cannibal
Entertainment Technology 

Kid from “Charlie bit my finger” video grows to be full blown cannibal

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Kid from “Charlie bit my finger” video grows to be full blown cannibal

Environment

Mystery solved: 380 million bagel holes swirling in Pacific Ocean
Environment 

Mystery solved: 380 million bagel holes swirling in Pacific Ocean

February 12, 2018 admin Comments Off on Mystery solved: 380 million bagel holes swirling in Pacific Ocean
As carbon levels continue to rise, air promises to be fuel source of the future
Environment 

As carbon levels continue to rise, air promises to be fuel source of the future

February 2, 2018 admin Comments Off on As carbon levels continue to rise, air promises to be fuel source of the future
Scientists expect cooling trend to persist for months, then give way to warmer weather
Environment 

Scientists expect cooling trend to persist for months, then give way to warmer weather

February 1, 2018 admin Comments Off on Scientists expect cooling trend to persist for months, then give way to warmer weather
Obama returns to unveil “chill pill” as humanity’s best hope against global warming
Environment Politics 

Obama returns to unveil “chill pill” as humanity’s best hope against global warming

January 30, 2018 admin Comments Off on Obama returns to unveil “chill pill” as humanity’s best hope against global warming

Lifestyle

Stock rally forces Gen Xer to get creative with plan to squander inheritance
Lifestyle 

Stock rally forces Gen Xer to get creative with plan to squander inheritance

February 20, 2018 admin Comments Off on Stock rally forces Gen Xer to get creative with plan to squander inheritance
Crowd stunned as Amtrak train arrives safely, on time
Lifestyle 

Crowd stunned as Amtrak train arrives safely, on time

February 16, 2018 admin Comments Off on Crowd stunned as Amtrak train arrives safely, on time
Chocolate makers botch Valentine’s Day with ill-conceived product lines
Lifestyle 

Chocolate makers botch Valentine’s Day with ill-conceived product lines

February 14, 2018 admin Comments Off on Chocolate makers botch Valentine’s Day with ill-conceived product lines
US Weekly and The Economist collaboration off to shaky start
Lifestyle 

US Weekly and The Economist collaboration off to shaky start

February 7, 2018 admin Comments Off on US Weekly and The Economist collaboration off to shaky start
Six years into marriage, Kathy realizes Fred faking sense of humor
Lifestyle 

Six years into marriage, Kathy realizes Fred faking sense of humor

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Six years into marriage, Kathy realizes Fred faking sense of humor

LITTLE ROCK, AR- Initially she thought he was so funny with just the right line at the right moment. But

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Cleaning up after your dog, neighborly or liberal hoax?
Lifestyle Politics 

Cleaning up after your dog, neighborly or liberal hoax?

February 7, 2018 admin Comments Off on Cleaning up after your dog, neighborly or liberal hoax?
Nearly 4% of Trader Joe’s profit from groceries you crushed while bagging
Lifestyle 

Nearly 4% of Trader Joe’s profit from groceries you crushed while bagging

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Nearly 4% of Trader Joe’s profit from groceries you crushed while bagging
Common public speaking technique increases sexual deviance
Health 

Common public speaking technique increases sexual deviance

January 24, 2018 admin Comments Off on Common public speaking technique increases sexual deviance

For many people, public speaking is at the top of their most feared activities. To address these fears, it has

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In baffling display of ignorance, 64% of adults believe ‘Star Wars’ depicts historically accurate events
Entertainment Lifestyle 

In baffling display of ignorance, 64% of adults believe ‘Star Wars’ depicts historically accurate events

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on In baffling display of ignorance, 64% of adults believe ‘Star Wars’ depicts historically accurate events
Man’s $2,000 Etch A Sketch masterpiece ruined after ground shipping snafu
Lifestyle 

Man’s $2,000 Etch A Sketch masterpiece ruined after ground shipping snafu

January 29, 2018 admin Comments Off on Man’s $2,000 Etch A Sketch masterpiece ruined after ground shipping snafu
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